


A Heart Choice

by Jicori



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 05:27:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17760671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jicori/pseuds/Jicori
Summary: A short story capturing the thoughts of Jedi Master Icewynd as she contemplates some special relationships in her life up through the moment she's asked to build a new alliance on Odessen to stand against the Eternal Empire. Included are inner thoughts that Icewynd has as she interacts with Theron. Theron's and other characters' dialogs are from the game, Icewynd's inner thoughts are my own creation. The story includes spoilers through Chapter 9 of Knights of the Fallen Empire in Star Wars: The Old Republic.





	A Heart Choice

Jedi Master Icewynd, Barsen'thor of the Jedi Order, took a moment to marvel at the cooperation of the new alliance evident in the construction work all around her. They had not been on Odessen more than four days, but the effort and resources of hundreds of people were accomplishing building the cliffside base faster than she had ever remembered seeing from the Republic alone.

Looking back toward the entrance of the new command center space, she saw Koth give a nod to Tora and another engineer, then duck inside out of view. Icewynd had lost count of how many days it had been since Koth and Lana had pulled her from the carbonite on Zakuul. Twenty? Thirty? Maybe more? It was hard to know for sure with so much time spent healing, sleeping, and running from place to place.

Icewynd hugged her chest and walked slowly across the metal platform jutting out over the cliffside. She watched the work around her, but her mind continued to process so many thoughts and feelings she had kept under careful control since the carbonite.

When she reflected on this relationship she was developing with Koth, Icewynd realized it was building to a point in which she needed to decide the nature of its future. The flirting and smiles either needed to lead somewhere, or they should end. Koth was a good man, and he had saved her life now more than once. But was this just a misplaced affection for someone who had passionately assisted her, or something genuine? Was their disagreement about Valkorian’s nature going to be a bigger problem for them down the road?

And what about Felix Iresso? Her own husband’s status was still unknown. When she last spoke with Felix, it was a hasty commlink exchange during the Eternal Fleet’s attack on Darth Marr’s ship. That's now five years past, yet seems only a few weeks ago. She asked him to stay on the Defender and help defend Marr's ship, appropriate to the corvette’s class name. Should she have told him to run, instead? Did they even make it out of the fight? 

"Yes, I’m sure of it," she thought. "They are all still alive… somewhere."

Icewynd felt her heart sink with a sense of loss for the first time since she had first escaped Zakuul. She took a deep breath and worked to calm her mind as she paced, but matters of the heart were more difficult to calm than other emotions. As she thought of Felix, she started to believe that Valkorian was right when he spoke to her in the carbonite dream: that in time “love will seek another.” She had not known then that five years had passed. Surely Felix had thought her dead and had moved on by now. She hoped so. It saddened her to think that he had spent all this time stuck in their past, clinging to hope, instead of moving on.

And then there was Theron Shan. Icewynd stopped at the railing of the platform and looked across cliffs toward a gulch at the far end, and she let her mind wander to Theron. Perhaps he, too, thought Icewynd was dead after Marr’s ship was destroyed. Theron should not have happened to her all those years ago, but she let it happen during a vulnerable time. 

Just before that first alliance to thwart the Revanites, Felix and Icewynd’s love had become comfortable and routine, and they both seemed to stall in that comfortable place. The marriage had become more of a professional partnership with the added bonus of regularly scheduled physical intimacy. It was no wonder, then, that Icewynd might be tempted by Theron’s charms as they worked together in the alliance. She welcomed his warm smile, their flirtatious exchanges, and the warmth of his touch. Another professional relationship had drawn her into a deeper intimacy, just as it had with Felix so long ago. 

After the Sith Emperor was released on Yavin, though, everything changed. Theron’s intelligence work required him to withdraw again, to detach and abandon what they had started to build together. She still received the occasional communication from him that suggested his feelings had not changed, but she knew she had to move on.

Icewynd was honest with both Felix and Theron throughout all this. After all, she and Felix had agreed at the start of the marriage that physical intimacy did not have to be limited to the two of them, that they could explore sexual pleasures with others as long as there was trust and honesty between all parties. But there was part of her feelings she was not honest about, even with herself: an actual love for Theron that had become as deep or deeper than anything she had felt for Felix.

As a Jedi, making this realization had surprised and confused her. After all, she made a career and lifestyle out of controlling her emotions, why would this be any different?

"There is no emotion… there is peace..."

Icewynd had a feeling this was just the first of several moments she would have on Odessen in the coming weeks. She would have time to finally relax her mind and review the emotions she had so carefully controlled during the chaos of the last few weeks. As a warm breeze lifted up from the gulch, Icewynd closed her eyes and took in a breath of the air. In spite of all the scents of construction around her, she thought it was the most wonderful breath she had taken in weeks.

As she allowed the Force to move through her and restore peace within, she felt a small, familiar tug on it that drew her to open her eyes again. She saw a small shuttle arriving, clearly a transport just for people, not one of the small shipping vehicles that were constantly zooming in and out of the area. She watched the shuttle land, trying to place what had caught her attention through the Force. 

Before the shuttle door had finished opening, Theron Shan emerged looking as handsome has she had remembered, wearing that same old red and white jacket she had teased him about as being “not so inconspicuous” when trying to blend into a crowd. He looked around outside the shuttle, then broadened his scan to the whole area. He smiled and nodded, then proceeded to walk across the landing platform toward where Icewynd was standing.

Icewynd felt her breath catch. It was really him. She felt his unmistakable presence in the Force. Though Theron did not have the gift of the Force that could allow him to serve as a Jedi, he still possessed a unique signature in the Force that Icewynd had been eager to feel again. They did not need the Force, though, to ignite what they each clearly felt as their eyes met. 

"Like what you've done with the place," Theron said as they both smiled broadly and quickened their steps toward each other.

"Theron Shan," Icewynd replied, at a loss for what else to say in that moment. She restrained a desire to embrace him in this public place, and she thought she sensed he was doing likewise. There would be time for that later, without so many eyes, and after she had a chance to find out if he had moved on or had any desire to return to that path they had started on in the past. It was in that moment she was certain this was the path she wanted to be on, provided that he chose her in return. She now hoped even more that Felix had, indeed, moved on, and that Koth would not feel slighted.

"Haven’t seen you in a while," Theron continued, stopping at a cautious distance between them. "Wasn’t sure you’d remember me."

Icewynd wanted to say a thousand things in that moment, but just simply said it was good to see him again. And smell him, and feel him near me, she thought to herself.

"Good," Theron continued, looking relieved, "I wasn’t sure based on what Lana said you went through. What you're… going through." 

So he had been speaking with Lana, perhaps for some time. It was yet another thing Lana had not told her, but it didn't seem to matter. Intelligence work was not just about keeping secrets and discovering things, but about choosing the right times to reveal information to the right people. If she had learned nothing else during their time on Rishi and Yavin 4, that part had stuck with her.

Icewynd felt a surge of warmth over her body as she suddenly realized she wasn't alone in her mind. Valkorian was there, listening and watching, she was sure of it. Only now that Theron brought it up did she realize that her romantic history was now laid bare for Valkorian to exploit later if he chose to do so. She felt sick.

Theron turned and walked a few steps away along the platform, turning his gaze up toward the treeline above them. Icewynd followed. When he stopped, Theron turned to face her again. "Been a long five years," he mused. "Feels like everything's changed."

Icewynd smiled again as their eyes locked. "You got better looking," she heard herself say, suddenly wishing she had chosen more restraint. 

"I don’t know about that," Theron chuckled, "but hey, I’ll take it." The discomfort started to melt away, and Icewynd started to look forward to catching up.

Perhaps sensing Icewynd’s question, Theron offered, "Since I left the SIS, Lana’s brought me in to manage operations."

Icewynd nodded. It made sense that discussing the business of a budding military and political alliance would be a higher priority than catching up on personal affairs.

"But before get into all the more-or-less official stuff, I’ve got something for you," he said. He then turned his gaze back toward the skyline.

"You found my people?" Icewynd asked, her heart suddenly racing. She was not even sure why that was her first thought. Jedi control be damned in that moment, she thought, if she could only know that her crew was safe and secure. Felix? Her dear padawan Nadia? But if he has spoken with Felix, maybe…

"No luck so far, but..." Theron continued, checking a comlink on his wrist.

"Needs work!" Tora’s voice shouted over the comm, "A lot of work!" At the same time a familiar sounding engine caused Icewynd to spin around and search the air above. The Defender! There it was, so beautiful against the blue sky. The pilot, probably Tora herself, gave it a perfect landing on a nearby clearing, one that was connected on the far end of the new command center.

It was like seeing an old friend again after a long separation. The ship was as much a part of the crew as the crew members themselves. No luck so far, Theron had said about the crew, though. It was bittersweet news, but her heart was still filled with joy for this moment. A little bit of her life had come back to her, and had not been swallowed completely by the Eternal Fleet and Zakuul.

"When you have a moment, it's time for that official stuff," Theron turned to face Icewynd again, snapping her back to the reality of her new role in this new alliance. "I’ll be inside."

There was a brief meeting after that in the command center, and folks agreed to meet later in the evening for a reunion celebration in the new cantina area. Throughout the day, Icewynd wanted to grab Theron and catch up, but he immediately busied himself with work. He directed his luggage to the right place, met with some engineers about a new surveillance system, and helped some newly recruited Alliance slicers decrypt some data files that had just come in from a Zakuul contact. 

Icewynd did get a brief chance to speak to Theron during a meeting of the new alliance leaders, all of whom had arrived that same day. As Barsen'thor, she should have been proud and focused in the presence of Kuat hero Bey’wan Aygo, long-time Hutt ally Doctor Oggurobb, esteemed Voss mystic Sana Rae, and even the legendary outlaw Hylo Visz. Instead, she found herself going through the motions as if she was a protocol droid. 

Before she left the meeting, though, Theron asked if she had any questions, and she decided to push the matter forward, "What do I have to do to find out what you've been up to all these years?"

"We’ll get a chance to talk," he replied with a small, reassuring smile. "Soon."

That evening, Lana and Koth gathered the core group that started it all to enjoy drinks and roast gorak in the new cantina. Icewynd wrapped up what she was doing and joined them. The two of them were talking at the bar along with Theron, who was also punching things into a datapad. Theron glanced up and greeted Icewynd. "Hey, look who it is. Don't worry, we didn’t really start without you."

"Yes, we’ve only just begun," Lana chimed in. "I wasn’t sure you’d attend." Icewynd supposed that Lana and others had noticed that she had hardly taken a break for anything since they arrived on Odessen. In the back of her mind, Icewynd thought that keeping busy might help with keeping Valkorian at bay a little longer.

"A chance to unwind after what we've been through is exactly what we needed," Icewynd said with a smile, feeling some tension melt away.

"You are exactly correct," Koth replied from behind the bar, then pointing toward Theron. "Now get this guy to cheer up." Koth seemed rather cheerful, so perhaps he was still unaware of her past relationship with Theron.

"I'm reasonably cheery," Theron defended with a chuckle. "I’m joining in. And now you are, too."

Anxious to get some things off her mind before continuing the casual socializing, Icewynd offered, "I was hoping to have a talk with one of you first." She paused. "Come on, Theron. Let's catch up."

A sly smile she had not seen in a long time accompanied Theron's response. "You got it." He joined her as they walked off to one of the private dining rooms built off the main cantina.

As they walked, Theron launched into the more professional side of catching up. Icewynd listened, glad to finally hear the missing pieces. "...with the way everything changed, the SIS didn't feel right for me anymore, so I walked away."

They stood across from each other as Theron continued. "Kept up with my contacts, pretty much did what I was already doing, just not for the Republic. Not for anything. Against Zakuul."

Icewynd felt an urge to mention Theron's mother, Satele, who was her own mentor and the leader of the Jedi Order. She wanted to know about the order and what was happening. Perhaps, though, that was not something he wanted to talk about given that they two had put such a distance between each other. Better to save that topic until another time. It was not going to help her to know now, anyway.

"Were you able to make any headway?" Icewynd prompted.

"I have found sympathetic Zakuulans, but not many," Theron started, then elaborated a little before saying, "And I guess Lana’s filled you in on the rest. Want you to know, I’ll do everything I can to keep things running smoothly around here."

Icewynd nodded and grinned, assuming a flirtatious tone, "So, you'll take care of anyone who needs you?"

"Not just anyone," Theron resigned with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there to thaw you out."

Icewynd scanned the floor between them, feeling a little guilty for being greedy of Theron's time.

"Look at all you've accomplished," Theron continued, trying to sound encouraging. "Everyone who chose to rally behind you. I haven't been one of those… 'destiny' people in a long time, but this?" he softened and caught Icewynd's eyes. "Sure feels like it."

"If you mean being here with you," she replied, "I agree."

Theron stepped in toward her and embraced her, and she wrapped her arms around him. They found each others' lips in a kiss that expressed years of longing for this reunion. She could feel the mutual desire to shut out the world and spend hours rediscovering each others' bodies. 

There was still the matter of coming clean with Koth and making sure things were broken off with him. There was also still the matter of dealing with Felix eventually, who she was certain was still out in the galaxy somewhere. But for this moment, this night, and hopefully years ahead, her whole world was Theron.

"I suppose we should rejoin the others," Theron joked after they had spent a good hour "catching up."

When they rejoined the party, Len and Tora had all but passed out after a drinking contest, most party-goers had left or taken over a gaming table somewhere, and Koth and Lana were still talking at the bar. She smiled, sensing that Koth had deeper feelings for Lana than he had courage to express, and hoping it would be something he eventually pursued. This was her new crew now, she thought, her new family, and her future.


End file.
